why do u have to be so cold

i know i've done wrong. i know i screwed up. but must u really punish me this way? i can think of myself only at the moment, because u reveal nothing to me. i only asked why they have to come to me, and you say why should i know? its just a question but one that u've turned it against me.

stop hurting me already. stop it. i cannot take this anymore, the scars run deeper and deeper each day. do i deserve this? why is it so that when u give everything to a person, you're bound to be hurt by that one person? has god forsaken me for all the wrong i've done? is he that unjust? u've taken my dignity, my being and what's left of my pride and thrown it out the window, i cannot exist as a person nor function as one.

i care because i am weak, i love because i am weak. u're too strong for that to do either. its a painful painful world out there, u've opened my eyes and stop sheltering me. u've become the one person in my life, that i do not recognise. i've lost my girlfriend, my bestfriend and my lover all in one blow. worst, i've lost someone i trust entirely, i was a fool for giving up what i love for whom i love. a fool to believe that i cld make a better life for you and for me. a fool to believe that u cld be earnest with your feelings. i shld have listened to u the first time u broke my heart, i shld have said No to u. but i fell in love all over again with you and now look where i am now. look what i've become. look what i have left. i am truely nothing once again. left here to rot and be unappreciated for being me. silly silly jachin, u truely are a fool to have believed that she was the one person who u end up with for the rest of your life. U truely are a fool.