a new start?
i know i said i wouldn't blog anymore.
How is it that we as people do not think before executing action? i really wonder why. i do not know what to do nor what to say when i get angry or upset at a person. All i want to do is leave immediately, especially when i try calmly to talk to a person properly. i just don't know how to control emotion? is this a real problem? one that needs psychiatric response? or is it because i just don't care about the person.
I sit here and wonder and think, ponder as u may say. the true meaning of exploding, i can only define it as an explosion of unrestricted capacity to cause bodily damage. I for one, do not want to cause bodily damage. but somehow, i think now, that its not that the bodily damage that affects me, its the emotional bit. Some may think of me as a softie, or someone oversensitive to things, but i cannot see otherwise. i wish i cld respond differently to emotion. i become a sad sob, crying and wailing and being ineffective when such anxiety hits.
i realise finally its not because i don't care abt the person, this person in particular, i love, i cherish, i want to share everything with that person. i can't say that its anything other than a pure longing for her attention that leads more than infatuation. this person, completes my being. i know it sounds cheesy, but when i'm with this person, i feel like nothing matters except her opinion on the matter, doesn't matter what a 100 people say, or even your beloved parents. what matters most is that she approves, is it that shocking to have known someone as special as that? i was graced with that inexplicable joy of knowing this person. yet, when i think now, i get upset because its all over. a foolish reation, one of disasterous proportion and amptitude larger than what holds onto the normal barrier. u stupid stupid boy, jachin. u stupid idiot.
how cld u throw away the one thing that still mattered to u? u've done it again. turn something pure into something no different than a disaster. i just wish and pray and pray that u can fix this one day. this person knows what she wants and when a mind is made up, i'm quite sure it takes nothing short of a miracle to change things.
therefore, the one i call God has to take control of this. because, i myself cannot turn the tide here, its too big for my own destiny to decide. its one that hope kills with and people get discourage. i pray and pray night and night till the day i can truely redeem myself to this person and then maybe, just maybe i can have a fresh new start and make this one person that matters most to me, FINALLY HAPPY. its like my dad always says, u can never change the past, but u can build a better future, i just hope it doesn't only apply to school and results.
How is it that we as people do not think before executing action? i really wonder why. i do not know what to do nor what to say when i get angry or upset at a person. All i want to do is leave immediately, especially when i try calmly to talk to a person properly. i just don't know how to control emotion? is this a real problem? one that needs psychiatric response? or is it because i just don't care about the person.
I sit here and wonder and think, ponder as u may say. the true meaning of exploding, i can only define it as an explosion of unrestricted capacity to cause bodily damage. I for one, do not want to cause bodily damage. but somehow, i think now, that its not that the bodily damage that affects me, its the emotional bit. Some may think of me as a softie, or someone oversensitive to things, but i cannot see otherwise. i wish i cld respond differently to emotion. i become a sad sob, crying and wailing and being ineffective when such anxiety hits.
i realise finally its not because i don't care abt the person, this person in particular, i love, i cherish, i want to share everything with that person. i can't say that its anything other than a pure longing for her attention that leads more than infatuation. this person, completes my being. i know it sounds cheesy, but when i'm with this person, i feel like nothing matters except her opinion on the matter, doesn't matter what a 100 people say, or even your beloved parents. what matters most is that she approves, is it that shocking to have known someone as special as that? i was graced with that inexplicable joy of knowing this person. yet, when i think now, i get upset because its all over. a foolish reation, one of disasterous proportion and amptitude larger than what holds onto the normal barrier. u stupid stupid boy, jachin. u stupid idiot.
how cld u throw away the one thing that still mattered to u? u've done it again. turn something pure into something no different than a disaster. i just wish and pray and pray that u can fix this one day. this person knows what she wants and when a mind is made up, i'm quite sure it takes nothing short of a miracle to change things.
therefore, the one i call God has to take control of this. because, i myself cannot turn the tide here, its too big for my own destiny to decide. its one that hope kills with and people get discourage. i pray and pray night and night till the day i can truely redeem myself to this person and then maybe, just maybe i can have a fresh new start and make this one person that matters most to me, FINALLY HAPPY. its like my dad always says, u can never change the past, but u can build a better future, i just hope it doesn't only apply to school and results.
posted by UBERMAN! at 3:48 AM
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