perplexity

i am worried for the first time in my life for something that doesn't concern me. its been more than ten days now. and its definative by itself that it will not happen. there is an apprehension when it comes to this issue as its sensitive nature has turned its ugly head to be one of sacred passage. its one that has its own ideals by itself and moral contributions towards such an epic disclosure that one may not comprehend the perplexity of the situation. my ideas and intuition serve nothing but starvation of the soul and lost of ability to comprehend such graphic details that one may consider it a mystery or worse an adverse preferance to the degree of pleasure uncertain and unpowered by the heterosexual individuals. am i at a lost or does it seem to be one of confusion or frustration? i wish i cld answer the questions in my heads, but that assumption alone will lead to somewhat a indifferent objectiveness that even an individual may not be able to comprehend. the perplexity of it all is that i am lost at this point, lost in translation, lost not only in words but worse emotions that runs deeper than deep seeded thoughts of dismay. i miss it so much, the closeness of knowing someone's inner self, i miss desire. i dread the days now, each step each moment, for one love does not conquer all, its the misappropriation of the word that leads to dreadful events. yet its actions speak so much louder than words. the actions of one's love is even more powerful than love itself, it speaks so much of a higher better place, that one can only be lost to its power. i have once felt that, but today i lay in solitude in dread of the days ahead, not knowing that the power of actions can or will one day speak to me again. Dreaded be the words of the unspoken, dreaded be the curse of the infectionate being, dreaded be i at the lost of a worthier cause.

Delirium

the dictionary states this as:
1.
Pathology. a more or less temporary disorder of the mental faculties, as in fevers, disturbances of consciousness, or intoxication, characterized by restlessness, excitement, delusions, hallucinations, etc.
2.
a state of violent excitement or emotion.

its something i don't usually have but of recently, i do have this sort of disorder of mental inhibition to provide logical logic when it comes to certain situations.

Am i all that kooky, that there's a mental state to describe my wellbeing, emotionally? its actually a fact of two states. the reason being that i have expectations and responsibilities to another and the other doesn't seem to share the same. i am upset at my emotional well being, being so volatile and uncertain it sort of scares me to think otherwise in most situations and circumstances. i am upset that there are things more important to people than caring and sharing. do i think i am being unfair? absolutely, its a disposition that i am. do we truely behave or treat people the same way you expect them to treat you? seriously speaking, how often do we actually treat people the same way as they did? are there special unsaid rules that people should know about when it comes to another individual? ABSOLUTELY. but its not for them to decifer nor is it for them to liberate about. its up to the other individual to act upon and know what to do. there's a saying, "think fast, Act Now". if there's deliberation you need to have with yourself, are you truely putting yourself and choosing a point where its convenience is prior, against the more difficult option, are you truely caring about another person, or is it that you will but at a more convenient time? i would say that the hardest thing to do is to inconvenient yourself for another, but it also is the most beautiful gift you can give another, especially in a time of need or desolation.

to know that someone out there does care to that much a degree that convenience and aptitude to oneself is foregone, then you truely know how deeply a person cares for you. and that to me that action alone is the most beautiful and divine benevolence you can give a person you truely love. idealist i might be, but i am glad to say that i will always do that for the other, no matter what the cost of my actions are or were. how deep does your love truely run withing your veins for another? skin is only surface but what lies beneath is the true beauty of the affection.